my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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