I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
