I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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