omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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