you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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