she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
