I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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