so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
