Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I fill condoms, not promises.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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