I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize