Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
