Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
