Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
