I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
and she was petting her beer can
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
