you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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