Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
