I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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