Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
