tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
