There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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