U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
