Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
