Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
