guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
