your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize