there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
