the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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