I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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