I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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