the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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