As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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