I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
