I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
