it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Im part way to drunk.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
