theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Mom said you looked used
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
