He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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