I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Are we still banned from the library?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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