There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
