Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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