I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
