billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
