No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize