That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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