dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
