Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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