i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
