I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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