That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize