"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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