if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
