After last night, I could never be a politician.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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