this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
