I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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