hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize