We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
