I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
