i need an iv and a liver transplant
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
false alarm. still invincible.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize