I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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