Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
