Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
