Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You're a waste of cheezeits
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
