that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
