nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Drunk is a universal language darling
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
