I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
and she was petting her beer can
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
