i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
