**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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