i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
