This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
