walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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