they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
