What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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