I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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