I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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