I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
