Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
