hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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