I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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