Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got inside last night via doggy door
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
