His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
