tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
