Jerry, you need to find god
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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