I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize