i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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