It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
