I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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