friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
