her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
