Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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