At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
