I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
