I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
well you can't waste a boner
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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