eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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