I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize