dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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