At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
