Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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