I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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