remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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