I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
