I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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