I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We left the knife in your bed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
