I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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