Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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