You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
