This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
