so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
