so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
