Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
