Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
